There is just too much wildlife in Denise's yard for my tastes. By now you've read about the opossum incident. This one we'll call the Snake Situation.
Thursday March 30th, 2000, we were enjoying an evening at Denise's when we heard the dogs barking their fool heads off about something. I opened the back door and called the dogs. Only Fred arrived to see what I wanted. Taz and C.C. were off in the yard somewhere. I could see that they had gotten hold of something and were both playing with it. Instantly I knew that they had gotten something, but I wasn't sure what it was. So, I go inside and get the flashlight and head back out to see what it is. In the glare of the flashlight I see them throw it in the air and instantly I knew that my worst fears were confirmed.
They had gotten themselves a snake.
Let's pause here for me to explain how I feel about snakes. I'm terrified of them. Nothing on this planet fills me with such fear as snakes. I hate them, I wish a harrible death upon every serpent that exists. Yes, I know they're not all dangerous. I know that some of them do "good", but that doesn't matter. It's my one paralizing, irrational fear and I will not apologize for it.
Immediately I was inside the house, reporting what I had seen to Denise. She decided that we needed to get the dogs inside so we could dispose of the snake so that we would not have any fights over the "prize". After the dogs are safely inside, she goes out to inspect the damage.
"They got a little garter snake, it's dead." she says.
"What do you mean 'dead'?" I say.
"Dead, they pulled the poor thing into two pieces."
"You're sure? You're sure it's dead?"
"Yes, it's dead."
Okay, with that confirmation, and knowing how Denise doesn't like to handle dead animals, I suck up my courage, put on my shoes, grab a shovel and head out to bury it away from the dogs. I had a little problem finding it, I didn't want to get too close until I could see it because I didn't want to step on it. We pind the pieces and I pick them up with the shovel and Denise heads back inside to supervise the dogs. As I walk to the gate...
IT STARTS MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not just a twitch, but actualy slithering, and the severed end ROSE UP!!! I fight my terror and get it ouside the gate when Denise hears me making worried noises and asks what the problem is. I tell her and she tells me to chop it if I'm so worried about it. Which I do...
Yelling DIEDIEDIE!!! As I mulch the thing into the ground. Then I buried it, went inside and opened a beer.
I was shaking, I was so scared.
What a way to spend your birthday, huh?